Day 9: New Year’s Resolutions, Talking, and Words

is irritated. Oops, started that like a Facebook status update. That’s a bad sign – means that translating my thoughts and emotions into Facebook status format has become second nature. Oh dear.

Lameness test: Throughout the day, when you see or do or think something, do you often think about status-ing it and so try to remember that event for when you next log on? (or if you have Facebook Mobile the question would be: Are you constantly updating your status with things you’re seeing, doing, and/or thinking that no one really needs to know about?) Guilty. But I don’t have Facebook Mobile, THANKFULLY, because if I did I know I would over-post.

Next question: Do I write words and words on this WordPress that don’t really benefit anyone graciously coming over here to read, nor does it benefit me who could be preparing for sleep right now?

Mark Twain once said, “I didn’t have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one.” I feel like that quote epitomises this blog, especially as of late. Most of my posts in this Christmas series have been written in the wee hours of the morning, after I work my eyes out on essays (more figurative than actual, unfortunately) or couchsurfing requests, so they’re rushed, shallow, and verbose. I know that in my very first post to this site, way back when – which you probably haven’t gone back far enough to read, which is a good thing – I said this space would be very stream-of-consciousness style, but I’m considering reneging on that and holding myself to something higher. That would mean devoting more time, which means it probably won’t be happening before the sixteenth of this month. But it is helpful to be think about these things now, because once vacation hits it’s so easy to stop thinking.

That’s why New Year’s resolutions fail so hard, isn’t it? Because they’re made in an atmosphere dissimilar to the rest of life?

I haven’t really done the whole New Year’s resolution thing for most of my life, usually because I get a late start, and because I tell myself I don’t need a special occasion to change, which usually results in no occasion of change. Maybe this year I’ll give it a serious go.

Starting with the goal of being less verbose. To choose my words carefully. To not broadcast trivialities, on Facebook, on here, or in actual conversations. And you can hold me to that.

But there are two sides to this 2011 constitution. The first is to say less of what doesn’t need to be said, but the latter is to say more of what needs to be said. I shy away from that so often, and that really doesn’t help me or others at all. Honesty is a rare and roaring fire in this world.

Among the people that know me I think some would say I talk a lot, and some would say I talk very little. I agree with both, and offer this first New Year’s resolution as a remedy. I would ask you guys what your resolutions are shaping up to be, but you know how unpleasant it is to ask a question that no one answers.

Oh, one more point, because my last sentence reminded me of something I’ve thought for a long time but rarely have the chance to say (and I’ll do my best to make it seem to connect). If you’re finding yourself in a position of leadership but don’t quite know how to fulfil it; say, if you’re in your final year of high school (college) or you’re a more senior member in some kind of group: answer the questions. If a teacher or speaker is asking questions, answer them. Don’t ignore them because you consider them simple and ‘beneath you’. If it’s an easy question meant to have an easy answer, give that easy answer to make the speaker’s point so they can carry on. If it’s a question meant to provoke thought, be the daring first to venture a guess, just to open the floor for more timid others. Time spent waiting for people to answer a question they know the answer to is wasted time.

If you’re getting into small groups to share or pray (this is for a specific setting but those of you it applies to will know what I’m talking about) avoid the awkward moment of everyone looking at each other unsurely by jumping in to start it off.

I’m not just saying talk to fill silence with words, because silence and thinking time are important. But I think we know the difference between the times when we’re thinking and the times when we really just don’t want to be the first to speak. Don’t be so cynical and aloof; take the fall, be a hero.

If you know me you should know that this is strange advice to come from me, because I’m cynical and aloof; the type to hold back and let someone else speak or answer first. But then I became a senior and realised there was no one to wait for; others were waiting for me. And there are more important things to life than trying to act cool (remind me of that every time you see me, okay?) Step into that leadership role, if only by overcoming your personal preferences and facilitating opportunities for others.

So, in recap, I spout words far too carelessly in conversation, and to an even greater extent in conducive environments like Facebook and this blog. I’m going to make a conscious effort to say less, but say more with less. One of the ways I can increase the worth of me opening my mouth is by identifying when something needs to be said (like when others are waiting for someone to go first) and what needs to be said (a harder task, but one that will develop over time through training myself to say life’s important things – I know what they are, I need to share them).

Hey, maybe this post is actually somewhat cohesive and meaningful! Maybe I’m already making headway, or maybe I just got lucky tonight, er, this morning.

Day 7: Facebook Generation

I contemplate modernity a lot. Too much, probably, seeing as it usually leaves me feeling exasperated. But there are questions I always return to, like:

What is Facebook doing to our generation? We will be remembered as the Facebook generation, unless we stage some other crisis or discovery quick. But how is this state of ‘ambient communication’ really affecting us? I talked a bit yesterday (although actually it was very early this morning, I lied about the date – this time I’m actually on top of things. Well. On top of this. Not on top of other things) about personal descriptions and resumés, at least I think I did, and how I feel I can’t convey much accurate information through them, vital though it may be to do so.

That’s not to say that information isn’t being transmitted, however. I’m reminded of how much I read into other people’s descriptions of themselves; on Facebook, for example. No one really reads those anymore, but on occasion when I’m engaging in a bit of FB stalking I do take it it. And arrogantly, as I am, I take their words and phrases to speak volumes about themselves, things they don’t necessarily want to communicate but that I can adeptly pick up on and know them by. Ha. I’m inexcusably cocky under my humble exterior, you know. I try to hide it when really what I should be doing is dismantling it, so it imposes itself on how I think about myself and others.

Ostensibly others are doing the same with me, if they’re anything like me in terms of arrogance or narrow-mindedness. So what are they reading into my introductions that I don’t mean to say? And would that have anything to do with why I haven’t gotten any solid couch offers yet? Heh. On the other hand, there’s no end to the second-guessing. Live your life, as they say.

So what do all these short personal introductions we write do to how we think about others and how we think about ourselves? Not to mention all the trivial stati, the ‘like’-ing, the commenting…

It’s yet another one of those things I would love to research, but so far haven’t considered it high enough up on my list to make time for. And lately I’ve been feeling more and more like you can study and study and never get much closer to understanding things as complex as how the world works, and how people work. Someone needs to inspire me with a ray of insight before I get any more disenchanted. Part of me recognises this as the natural ebb and flow of studenthood, though. You come in with all these notions of learning the world inside out and figuring out how to change it, nay, save it, and then you run straight into the wall of books of lifelong scholars saying, “This issue is incredibly complex; here’s what tiny progress I’ve made past everyone I’m citing, but this issue is really complex, you know, and there’s so many immeasurable factors that really, I’ve devoted my life to this marginal field of research and have very little to show for it, guess I’ll just be satisfied as a parenthetical citation in someone else’s next book.”

Presumably it’s somewhere in the course of your second, third, master’s, or Ph.D. year that you come to accept that meagre satisfaction of being quoted as adequate reward for years of research, for so many years are already gone; either that or you change majors.

I say screw that. Screw that to the sticking-place (sticking-post? Points if you know where this quasi-quote is from). I’m gonna change the world.

But it’s not going to be through blogging. Or vlogging. Well…maybe vlogging. My Japanese video is strangely getting a lot of views, so I need to capitalise on that niche.

Here I was going to talk about my oldest memories of Christmas, and how I got a LEGO set that had a broom in it, and I was really excited about that broom because it was probably the first tool-type piece I’d ever gotten. Oh, LEGO, how I miss you. When I set up someplace semi-permanent I’m going to get all my LEGO over there and play to my heart’s content for a day, then go save the world.

But those memories will have to wait. I’m going to call this a day, whatever state I or it is in, sleep nicely and sufficiently, knock out what I need to tomorrow and take stock of my life.

Yeah, like I said, I’m idealistic.

Here’s a dearly beloved bit of culture for the road:

Day 4: Doing Much And Achieving…Well, Doing Much.

Okay, just a refresher for the sake of me and my readers on why I’m going to blog every single day of December: I’ve got a feeling a lot of big things are going to happen in it that will change me inside and outside for, probably, the rest of my life, and I want to document all that happens and all that I think and do for future reference and reminiscing. Seems that could be applied to all the writing I do, come to think of it – just replace ‘this Christmas’ with ‘my life’. Documentation. And the really neat thing is that I can change the date of publication on this blog, so even if I’m a bit late one night; say, I’m publishing around 2 am, I can still flip it back to the day it’s about. Tehe. Which is a real saving grace for me, seeing as I’m so lazy about these things (blogging every day will be good for me simply in that it’s a daily commitment, too).

I’d like to claim that I was busy today, and maybe I was, but it’s such a relative term, isn’t it? In the eyes of someone who clocks in 9 to 5, 5 days a week, like a businessman (because we live in such a business-oriented world; saw an interesting video today, check it out and may ye be productive-itised), I was not busy today – apart from going to the gym in the morning (which was open again, yay) I sat in my pyjamas reading and staring at my computer screen for the better part of the day. But on the other hand I did a lot of things; I progressed in my essay research and writing, though not as much as I’d hoped to (I never do); I did some interacting with friends and became involved in a potentially exciting- no, scratch that, I’m excited about it right now – project which may eventually reach public domain, but for now, just forget I said anything, I was just trying to add things to the list of what I did today; I hooked my site up to Facebook which resulted in a massive influx of visitors, completely thanks to all you, cheers cheers; and…I sent my first CouchRequest. Wow. That sentence had waaay too many commas.

I know I’ve talked about food and munching a lot recently, and I promise I’ll try to cut back after tonight (on the talking and the munching, I fear I’ve overdone the Christmas spirit a bit – that is until I cook up some delish cookies, or whatever you call them here). But do you remember that bit of conversation in Dickens’ A Christmas Carol about the connection of food and dreams? Don’t worry if you don’t, our dear friend Mr. Internet has conveniently supplied it for us (and if you have the time the full text can be found here).

“You don’t believe in me,” observed the Ghost [of Marley].

“I don’t.” said Scrooge.

“What evidence would you have of my reality, beyond that of your senses?”

“I don’t know,” said Scrooge.

“Why do you doubt your senses?”

“Because,” said Scrooge, “a little thing affects them. A slight disorder of the stomach makes them cheats.  You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato.  There’s more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!”

Scrooge was not much in the habit of cracking jokes, nor did he feel, in his heart, by any means waggish then.  The truth is, that he tried to be smart, as a means of distracting his own attention, and keeping down his terror; for the spectre’s voice disturbed the very marrow in his bones.

…

“You see this toothpick?”  said Scrooge, returning quickly to the charge, for the reason just assigned; and wishing, though it were only for a second, to divert the vision’s stony gaze from himself.

“I do,” replied the Ghost.

“You are not looking at it,” said Scrooge.

“But I see it,” said the Ghost, “notwithstanding.”

“Well!” returned Scrooge, “I have but to swallow this, and be for the rest of my days persecuted by a legion of goblins, all of my own creation.  Humbug, I tell you!  humbug!”

This passage has stuck with me more than any other from that story, though it is fantastic in its entirety, as is Dickens. And I’ve found it to be true; when one snacks, particularly right before falling asleep, one is plagued through each successive sleep cycle with all manner of strange dreams. Some people claim to never remember their dreams; I typically remember fragments, and sometimes am inclined to write them down in hopes of fashioning some meaning from them, but lately have not been so inclined. It’s just weirdness. Partially enjoyable while in them but mostly just colliding illustrations of the random things I think during the day.

I could go on and on about both sleep and dreams, but I won’t; for now I’ll leave it at that I should stop eating so late at night (though I’m eating right now, mm, Velvety Caramel Chocolate Shortcake. Wow. I’m a pig. Last time I went shopping I told my friend that I was only buying all these sweets because of the occasion, that I do it no other time of the year, and he told me I say that every time we go shopping. Ouch. True. But I’m a firm believer in exercise!)

And I sent my first couchsurfing request today; two, actually. I meant to send out a bunch tonight, but, as you no doubt know, time gets away from one when one is occupied with so many concerns of varying importance. (I think even just that taster of Dickens did something to my language…)

It’s quite weird, asking a complete stranger if you can stay over. I could be doing it wrong, but I think the inherent nature of radical ideas is that it takes a while to get used to. That’s alright. We could all stand for a little more non-conventional interaction. I’m looking forward to seeing what comes of these, because even if I don’t end up staying with the people I contact, I may still be able to meet up with them, possibly get some tours, and network! the sacrosanct activity of the modern era.

That’s about enough for tonight, isn’t it? Thank you so much for stopping by once again, and definitely remember that you can always tell me if you want to hear about something I’m not talking about enough (hard as it may be to imagine me not talking about something enough).

And may all your Internet trawlings be jolly. (Oo! I learned the difference between holly and mistletoe today too! Okay. Stop talking.)

-Brad