But then my perfectionist nature retorts, “But you’ve got an entire night ahead of you of empty hours, surely you can make your essay better than that.”
And I comply, and stay awake, and trudge through, and produce another what-my-sleepy-surreal-semi-consciousness-deems-a-masterpiece.
You don’t have to tune in for the battle, you just get to enjoy the fruits: another dark-of-the-night post-essay blog entry. I do so enjoy these.
Even though I put it off and put it off, I probably get more than the average person’s share of fulfilment out of completing an essay. To me, almost regardless of the topic, it’s a work of art – words are clay to be crafted into a sturdy yet attractive sculpture that is not too weak at any point and yet not ugly in any way either (blog posts, on the other hand, are rarely more than the spewing ground for disjointed thoughts).
Bradford’s essay submission process (at least the Peace Studies Department’s) consists of an online Turnitin submission, then a paper submission of two copies of the essay (plus official filled-in cover page) to the undergraduate office. Not wanting to risk the library printing queues I’ve heard horror stories about but never actually seen, I took a four-in-the-morning trip to the library to get my two copies.
(Here’s a hugely entertaining video about four in the morning. Watch it. It’s great. )
Oh, and before I redressed- er, re-dressed…and left my room, as I was filling in the cover page, I realised that it was 3:33 a.m. on 3/3/11. Cool. What to wish for? Well, I thanked God that He was nice enough to get me through another one, and, well, my clock wishes (11:11, 22:22, and whatnot) are always the same, so I didn’t take much time on that. It’s funny, though…
And I set out. The cool quiet feels great. Clear. And the birds chirping…wait what? Don’t birds only chirp in the daytime? Stupid Bradford birds. But have you seen the rats…oh my oh my. This actually scares me. I live here.
I quite enjoy going to the library in the middle of the night, though I don’t do it much. I love that it’s open all night on week nights. In addition to the security guard, there’s always at least a few people there. I bet every night there’s at least one person pulling an all-nighter, or at least close to it. We should do a library sleepover sometime. Ha ha!
Tonight was no exception, and there were even two guys from Peace Studies there working on their essays. I couldn’t do that. I’ve found that I have to get out of my room, to the library, in advance of deadlines so that I don’t get distracted by the Internet, but when it comes down to the final stretch, I need to be in my room with ample snackage, break-time entertainment, and music on tap. It’s a fine-tuned science that the perfectionist voice in my head puts me through. I do intend to do better for the next deadlines, just like I intended to for this one. But this one wasn’t actually as bad as the last one, which was two essays. But I wrote about that; you can read about it.
After struggling with the technology a bit I extracted my eighteen pages (two copies), had a short chat, returned home. Home. Something like that.
Hey, I say it’s home if you walk in, press play, and have the opening notes to ‘Fireflies’ waft comfortingly out of the speakers (the aggressive notes of Slash’s solo on Daughtry’s ‘What I Want’ are ‘wafting’ out of it right now. Yes).
So I rest in the music. Not feeling much like sleep after the victory and the stroll in the crisp last-vestiges-of-winter air. I use hyphens too much. But I do use them properly…I would give you a link to explain that comment, but I can’t remember the name of the article. No matter.
You know, I think Planet Earth does turn slowly. And though it is hard to say I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep, on nights like these it’s easy to say I’d rather be awake than asleep. For a while.
But he’s right, of course – nothing is ever as it seems.
Sometimes I like to revel in lines. Something you’ve heard a hundred times can bound up in new meaning on nights like these.
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams.
(Let’s pretend I ended with that line, and that everything below was actually somewhere above it, ate?)
I’m going to Nottingham tomorrow! Er, today. In twelve hours. Oo. I should sleep if I want to work out, do laundry, pack, and go to seminar.
Yeah, Robin Hood, bla bla bla. Going to see a friend from Japan. Will be the first person from outside the UK sphere for me to meet since coming here.
I guess I’ll go to bed now. I don’t wanna be one of those unfulfilled-life people who operate by feeling. Wake up tomorrow at…say…9:30ish, gym. Yay!
Oh, and I get to shave tomorrow (‘get to’ shave? Going to shave. And be all soo-waaave). Double yay!
I only say yay at four in the morning.
Inspiration's Waiting Room 